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How to Drink Alone

Bored? Sad? Got a little time to kill? Well, if you follow my simple steps, soon you'll be able to try and fill that void inside you with the only thing that really matters. Booze!

Step 1: Get a big empty glass

pint glass

Step 2: If you've got normal fingers, pour yourself a few fingers of rum. (note: subsequent drinks should contain increasing amounts of rum) [second note: when I say "rum" I mean "Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum"]

Rum!!!

Step 3: Pour in some OJ

OJ!

Step 4: Pour in something red. Normally I'd use cranberry juice. Fruit punch gatorade, or whatever is lying around will work just fine. You just need a splash.

Red!

Step 5: Unless you're really thirsty, get some ice. It'll keep your drink nice and cold.

ICE!

Step 6: Make a big sad face and take your first sip.

Drink!

Step 7: Settle in to watch tv. Preferably a show with violence, nudity, and people who lead fucked up lives. I recommend anything on HBO.

TV!

Step 8: Repeat until you feel better, or (if desired) nothing at all.



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